Maneuvering through joining a new family can be tricky, but Windham residents Dr. Wendy Satin Rapaport and Teri Rapaport will present tips and tricks to make building relationships easier when they talk about their book at the Windham Public Library from 6 to 7 p.m. on Wednesday, Sep. 16.
“We have been talking about writing a book for years. We each had different ideas about how to handle situations,” Wendy said. “It was really fun to always talk, and through the years as we kept on sharing ideas with each other, it just became clear that we needed to share it with others, too.”
One of the most essential elements to both the duo’s collaboration and to building a relationship with a new family is humor.
“We have laughed our way through all of our conversations,” Wendy said. “Humor is a coping mechanism for both of us, and we want it to be for the readers too.”
The presentation will include discussions of one of the methods that can help people relate to other members of a new family, including in-laws or stepchildren.
“We came up with the idea of ‘PEST’ control – persistence, empathy, self-control, and tolerance,” Wendy said, noting that it’s essential to start using the method as the relationship is built through the ‘BEFORE’ approach, ‘healthy boundaries, empathy for oneself and the other, pre-emptive forgiveness of each other, noticing the originality of each other, and resiliency with disappointment and energy, to keep going,” Wendy said. “The other powerful thing that we urge is seeing each other as unique people. “What is your similarity? What do you like about each other? After all, someone that you love also likes both of you, so there must be something in common.”
Not only did the writing process help the two become closer, it also helped them relate more easily to extended members of the family.
“I think it reminded us to treat others as we want to be treated and respected,” Wendy said. “Writing helped us be better people in some situations since we had to practice what we preach.”
That spirit showed in the pair’s collaboration, as they worked to respect each other’s opinions throughout the year-long process of developing the book.
“We discussed and collaborated and laughed and validated each other’s opinions and if we needed to, we took time,” Wendy said, adding that at times, a tossed coin made the decision. “There’s already so much respect between us that if we had a different opinion, then we were going to think it through from the way the other looked at it. That sense of empathy and respect is something so powerful.”
The impact of the book is already being shown through interactions with readers.
“We had one reader that was struggling with her new mother-in-law and decided to use our tools of empathy and began to change the way she looked at situations,” Wendy said. “They’ve been getting along better.”
This is Wendy’s sixth book, as she has written other books in the past during her career as a Clinical Psychologist, and she said the writing process on this book was “profound” because of Teri’s involvement. Wendy is also an Associate Professor at the University of Maine Graduate School. Teri works in the dental field in Portland.
“I loved that it was fun coming up with ideas and talking about our past and looking at old pictures,” Wendy said. “Everything came alive.”
More details about the presentation can be found on the Windham Public Library’s website at https://www.windham.lib.me.us/. Refreshments will be available. <














